Why I haven’t blogged properly in a while…

It’s been a while since I properly sat down and wrote out a blog, and I’m going to explain myself.

Firstly, school. Never in my life, have I been so stressed from school. A-Levels are hard, and tricky to keep on top of. I’m trying to be as organised as possible and if that means taking a break from my blog then so be it. I’m a student that needs to study to pass exams, if I don’t, I end up getting E’s.

Secondly, anxiety. I’ve been trying to control my anxiety. I’ve been to the doctor and I’m currently awaiting counselling sessions. I’ve been doing research online and I’m finding many techniques to help my anxiety as much as possible- I’m going to do a blog on it soon when I have the time!

And that’s it really. I apologise if you enjoy reading this blog, that I haven’t posted a post in a while but I promise I will be back soon!

Riverdale Questions

1. Most favorite couple:

Bughead is my favorite couple of all time!! They better be bloody endgame!

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2. Least favorite couple:

Archie and Ms. Grundy, that was just awkward.

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3. Most favorite character?

Between Betty and Jughead. I love Betty because she’s so self-less and she makes sure everyone is happy whereas Jughead has classic one-liners.

4. Least favorite character:

Grundy? I guess.

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5. Character you trust the most:

Between Archie and Jughead.

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6. Character you trust the least:

CHERYL BLOSSOM. SHES SHADY AF.

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7. A killer theory you love:

The one with the Blossoms being witches and they killed Jason Blossom as a sacrifice.

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8. Something you’d like to see on Riverdale

Jughead, Betty and Archie’s friendship before Jason’s death.

9. Something you’d hate to see on Riverdale

Bughead breaking up. :((

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10. An answer (other than who killed Jason Blossom) that you’d love to get:

Why does Cheryl see her twin brother in a love way? It’s so freaking weird. tumblr_ol6iskN6DA1v9dyjzo1_500.gif

CBB: Day 13

I’ve recently become very invested with Celebrity Big Brother, so I’m going to be displaying who I want to win so far, who I want to be evicted next and my opinion on the latest episode.

Who I want to win: I really want Bianca to win because I think she’s really down to earth and is displaying her true self. When she first walked into the house, I thought she was going to be a bitch but I’m really love her. She cares about others in the house more than herself which I think is really lovely. I felt so sorry for her when Coleen and Jasmine said she was having an easy ride but I generally think she is struggling in there, she just isn’t expressing it.

Who I want to be evicted: Jasmine. I believe she really mean to everyone in the house and is really self-centered. When Stacey came up to her (in hell) and was comforting her, she was plain rude and after everything that happened between Stacey and Jasmine, Stacey was being kind but Jasmine was just being a bitch.

Opinion on the latest episode: 

Chloe and Calum

My opinion on Chloe and Calum is I believe Calum sees Chloe in a sister-type way but Chloe is getting the impression he really fancies her. If you don’t watch Geordie Shore, Chloe gains feelings really quick when new-boy Marty walked in, she was confessing she really liked him the same night when she was moping about Scott six hours earlier. I really don’t want to see Chloe get hurt when Calum and Jasmine enter the house together and he doesn’t pay her that much attention because Geordie Shore lovers know what jealous Chloe is like and it’s not pretty. This may just be me, but I feel she’s trying to be like Marnie in the house, find a boy she likes and get with him whereas personally I think Chloe should be herself and not worry about that.

Kim

I think Kim is vile. All she wants is some airtime and to shout at everybody. If Jasmine is evicted next, I want Kim to go. All she wants is air-time and it’s embarrassing. She’s going off at Chloe for being twenty-one and saying she needs to grow up when she clearly only having fun. Also calling James a fat slob, I’m not going to lie I don’t particularly like James, but she was getting involved with someone’s else business which didn’t include her at all and she needs to take a look in the mirror if she’s calling James a fat slob.

New welcomers to Hell!

Everyone watching Celebrity Big Brother will know that Calum Best and James Cosmo got sent to hell and I’m really upset because I love them both and I don’t want to see them be booted out the house. I think James has such a warm personality, like your granddad, and I’ll be really disappointed if he goes. I actually really like Calum and think he’s a gentlemen and wouldn’t want to see him leave the house as I think he’s a genuine bloke.

That’s all I have today, see you with my next CBB post! Ask me question in the comments and I’ll reply.

Well…

When I feel like things are going great and going back on track, something bad always happens. Today I found out someone I like is with someone. I just wonder why does it always happen to me? I’m always the one getting hurt. It’s like history is constantly repeating itself. But I’m going to be that girl that world’s stop spinning because of some guy. I going to enjoy myself, and enjoy me time no matter how long it is. I don’t want to sit around and whine about him because that’s the worst thing I can do.

My weight.

prom.jpgOn the left, I am ten, on the right, I am sixteen. Almost six years apart which is unbelievable. One thing though which is very different is my weight. I’ve always been so insecure about my weight since a lot of my friends were skinny and could wear the things I wanted to wear but I didn’t feel comfortable in it. In that left picture, I am breathing in and holding my arms in front of my stomach (also wearing spanx) because that’s what I’m most insecure about. I was thinking in my head at that current moment, that I would see the picture later and hate it.I always dread full-body pictures, that’s why at prom when everyone offered to take pictures of me in my dress I felt panicked because I wanted to have a good night and not be self-conscious about what I was wearing. When you are the weight that I am, you have to find happiness in your own way. It hurts when you see a guy you like go for someone who’s skinny because it really kicks down your confidence. I’ve always tried to be as confident as I can be and over the past two years that has been incredibly hard. I gained weight over a summer back in 2013. I don’t really know what was going on with me around that time but I would comfort eat. I would eat food and I would feel better. Though I have managed to get it under control (which took two years), I can’t believe I went up two dress sizes that summer.summer

Picture on the left, June 2013, picture on the right, end of August 2013. Though there is not a big difference. I did go up two dress sizes. You can see it on my face and arms. My eating was uncontrollable. I would eat 24/7, I would eat if I was bored, that’s why if you’re a comfort eater, please, convert to something more healthy. My confidence dropped in August, most of my clothes weren’t fitting. The shorts in the right picture, were so tight but in June fit me so well.

I think my weight rised when I went back to my school, late 2013. And the reason being, was my ex-boyfriend (who I won’t reveal any details). I felt happy with him, over the summer, he made me feel confident and happy but it turned out to be all lies. I should have known from the beginning that something wasn’t right. I really liked him in the beginning, but we weren’t walking down the same street. He had went out with me for a dare, and going out with a girl (who really likes you) only for a dare and to found out it was all lies is truly heartbreaking. He would go home and all of his friends would take it in turns to chat to me. When I found this out, I ate. I ate and I kept eating. I felt comfort from the food, and ended up gaining a lot of weight. IMG_0295This was late December 2013, and you can see I have gained a lot of weight. I didn’t feel happy when I took pictures of myself. It made me feel sick, I would always click on the picture of me and debate deleting it. The clothes I wore became bigger so it would hide my shape and make me comfortable. I would always eat more. I would have a chinese every night because my friend would order it. I would eat snacks when I wasn’t even hungry.

Now, I’m not saying that being over-weight is bad. Like I said, you have to find your own happiness. I can happily say, I am happy. I don’t need to be skinny to be happy. I love my body at the moment and I’m working out to tone my body down and make it healthy. I don’t care if people look at me and think ‘she’s well fat’- does it matter that I’m happy? I don’t need a size to resemble my happiness. I believe it’s what’s on inside that counts. Do you know what all these pictures have in common? I’m the same person in all of them. My personality hasn’t changed- I’m still quirky, and dorky. I always tell my friends that I won’t date people that have looked down on me because of my weight. If I lost all this weight and was super skinny and all those boys who accused me of being fat, want to suddenly be with me. Rod off!! If you didn’t like me fat, you certainly can’t have me skinny.

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Wearing a dress, without spanx, February 2016! And I felt amazing!!

I’m writing this blog to help girls who feel insecure about their weights and letting you know, you can find your happiness.

 

Cerys xox

#fatbitch 😀

q&a

-your favourite song

weird people // little mix

– your least favourite song 

nobody to love // sigma — I hate this song because it was mine and my roomates alarm for like two months and it bothered the hell out of me

– 5 things that sum you up as a person

  1. lazy
  2. honest
  3. respectful
  4. kind of a bitch
  5. psycho

-current thoughts 

debating whether i should binge watch an entire season of vampire diaries

-what you think of when someone says “home”

my mum, two brothers standing outside my little house with open arms

-pet peeves 

clicking bones

-thought/opinions on Harry Potter

I’ve never had a strong liking to Harry Potter but I used to be terrified of Dobby when I was little. I’ve seen most of them in cinema.

-thoughts/opinions on Doctor Who

david tennent is my fave doctor. byeee.

-thoughts/opinions on Mean Girls

classic one-liners.

– 3 turn-ons

  1. sense of humour
  2. unique eyes (e.g a colour you rarely see)
  3. big hands 😀

– 3 turn-offs 

  1. if your cocky
  2. disrespectful
  3. smoking

– 1 thing on your bucket list 

open my own smoothie bar.

 

 

Kayleigh Haywood

As reading and hearing about the Kayleigh Haywood case (if you haven’t read it, I really recommend you read) I have realised how dangerous the ‘internet’ world is.

I had shivers down my spine when my Mum told me the story, though I didn’t know the girl, I felt sick to my stomach. How could two men be so sick and twisted to kill a 15-year-old girl?

Kayleigh had many things and accomplishments ahead of her but those two men had wiped that from her for their own pleasure. A moment hasn’t gone by today when I haven’t though about Kayleigh- I can’t imagine what she went through. She was fifteen! She still had so much to do with her life. I know some people will think that it was Kayleigh’s fault for going in the first place, but she was groomed in and felt safe. She felt safe going to that man’s house, only for it to turn into a nightmare.

If you’re talking to someone you don’t know, please stop, you don’t know this person. We are given talks about strangers for a reason.

You are putting your life in danger by talking to someone you don’t know. My mum told me “if it’s too good to be true, then it’s too good to be real.”

My thoughts go out to Kayleigh’s family and friends who must be going through the most heartbreaking moments of their lives right now. ❤

Shaming people & anxiety

Anxiety can be a real pain in  the arse sometimes, it affects me from doing stuff I thoroughly enjoyed three years ago. I know people have really bad anxiety, and I’m so lucky that I’ve only got it a bit not as bad as other people- I would love to hear stories on anxiety!

I used to be able to talk to so many people without the voice at the back of my head saying ‘they’re going to judge you’ or ‘you’re not as pretty as the other girls’. As I grow, I want people to be proud with what shape or size body they have because everyone is beautiful. It upsets me that people compare themselves to Victoria Secret Models, they are also beautiful but I believe there is no such definition as ‘ugly’.

Of course, you joke with your friends occasionally saying ‘ew they’re well ugly.’ But after being that person for a few years and I’ve hated it. I will bitch about people occasionally because it’s in our human nature to be mean. I am just so destroyed by the people who are affected by everyday comments. People don’t realise how much words can really hurt.

Shaming someone’s body or personality can lead to serious consequences, and I’m talking from personal experiences and other people. I went through two years of my so-called best friend calling me stupid, which actually, in the end made me suicidal and not the girl I was three years ago.

But a part of me is glad that, that girl who called me names for two years has shaped me into the person I am today. Though I will never be able to forgive, or even see the slightest bit of niceness past her. I thank her, for shaping me into the confident and happy person I am today. Going through that rough patch was hard, yes I admit, and I would never want anyone to go through it ever, I did learn a lot from it. I learnt that words really do hurt, they can really affect you in the inside. I literally held scissors to my wrist and said to myself- “I could end this all now.” And it pains me to even think about ending my life over this one girl, who must have been, seriously insecure. It pains me that I didn’t leave a note, and I was prepared to die thinking no-one cared for me. I didn’t say goodbye to my Mum, my dad nor my two brothers. I was prepared to kill myself at that very moment but as I held the scissors to my wrist, a voice in the back of my head was telling me I was stronger then this, and eventually it would all get better.

I know your probably don’t believe it but there really is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it will come eventually. It pains me everyday people give up when they can keep fighting.

Though I have changed, I am left with constant anxiety, afraid my friends will begin calling me names or everyone thinks I’m stupid. It hangs around me like a dark cloud everyday and hopefully one day it’ll fade away.

Please don’t give up,

eutonycerys